A Little Less 16 Candles, A Little More Touch Me
by Wingz
Summary: I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late. A set of 16 drabbles based upon inside jokes and hilarious things I've said or done with a certain someone. For MrSpoonLovesYou. Happy Birthday.
1. Hot Date

Hot Date

When Patrick Verona has boasted to his metal shop buddies about having a 'hot date' tonight…well he hadn't quite meant it like this.

To Patrick, Donald Darko was his definition of a hot date. He was dark and mysterious, with a pair of moody eyes that looked just oh-so sexy when they were looking up at you from under a hood. His scruffy, jet black hair was a lot softer than it looked and was so much fun to play with, despite the fact Donnie hated it when anyone did just that. Those lips that were always pulled down into some kind of frown or scowl tasted so nice under Patrick's it was unbelievable. Okay so, the boy had some emotional problems. Sure he had to take medication and go to therapy once a week and maybe he was a freak, just like everyone said he was. But Patrick didn't give two flying fucks! A freak he might be, but he was a sexy little freak and that's just the way the Australian boy liked it.

Unfortunately for Patrick, Donnie had another definition for a 'hot date'. A hot date to Donnie Darko consisted of high jacking some petrol, stealing his boyfriends lighter and setting fire to the abandoned house on the outskirts of town.

…The Australian really needed to teach his little hood-clad hottie to stop taking everything he said so literally.

_

* * *

_

_Happy birthday Jessface!_

_Aren't you surprised this is actually on time? I know I am._

_Okay, so I promised I'd explain the title to you when I posted the first drabbles. It should be quite obvious to you that the title is that awesome Fall Out Boy song with the epic vampire video. I mean, it's got William Beckett in it. And he's a VAMPIRE. Like, a real one. It's bloody amazing. Anyway, the reason it's the title of this is for a few reasons._

_The first one is the 16 candles bit. As you are 16 today, I thought it would be fitting. There is, however, a deeper meaning to my odd title choice. When we first really started talking and becoming friends, we had this extreme obsession with the bandom fanfics on Quizilla. Remember that one about the FOB!Vampires and William? That was one of the first fanfics were spazzed about together and, to me at least, it was probably the big catalyst that threw us into this very, very awesome friend ship. Also…the lyrics (which be in the summary) sort of fit how bad I am at being a good friend XD_

_So, there you have it. And for anyone else reading this that isn't Jess, the reason this drabble is called Hot Date is because of the terrible jokes I make. I said something about 10 Things!Heath and Donnie!Jake going on a date, and how it would probably end up with the pair of them setting fire to a house. I then said 'That'd be one hot date.' Thus concluding that my jokes are AWESOME._


	2. Team Seth in Tyler's Van

Team Seth in Tyler's Van

She was far too close for it to be normal. She was being far too nice for it not to be for a reason. She was smiling far too sweetly for it to be real. She was moving into his heart again far too quickly. She was in far too deep to get out now.

She would pay, he was sure of it.

Nobody touches Jake's arm like that but him damnit!

Who does she think she is?! Just coming up here in her stupid, ugly red truck to 'pay her good friend Jacob a visit' and ruin his plans. That's what she was doing. Seth was so close that time. Oh so very close. She ruined it by swanning in and stealing away Jake's attention _again_. He'd had enough! He was going to do something about it this time! He was a wolf damnit! He could tear her limb from limb! It'd be easy…oh yes, it'd be very easy.

He couldn't just transform and kill her though. No, that'd be too suspicious and far too obvious. Jacob was hardly going to jump into his arms after seeing him rip Bella to shreds. He'd have to find another way…Something that didn't involve him eating her. He was sure she wouldn't taste all that nice anyway. Her personality was bland enough as it was. God knows what the rest of her was like. Seth assumed it'd be just a boring. I mean, who falls in love with a vampire anyway? That's _so_ last year.

He just needed a way to get rid of her. He wasn't going to eat her and he didn't own a gun. His mother wasn't likely to let him out of the house with the butcher's knife either…

Looking around for inspiration, Seth's eyes fell on Bella's truck and his eyes lit up. A car! Or better yet, a van! That'd work! It's so normal for someone to get mowed down by a van these days; she'd never see it coming! Well…she probably would. Oh well. It serves her right for moving in on his territory, to be honest. And he knew _just_ the guy to talk to. He knew he liked that Tyler guy for a reason…

Oh, revenge was sweet.

"Hey, where're you going Seth?" Jacob called, having promptly stopped talking to Bella once he noticed his best friend slipping away.

"Oh, you know, just out. I've gotta go see a man about a van."

* * *

_Oh god the lulz._

_Team Seth in Tyler's Van is our substitute to Team Edward and Team Jacob. We do not like Edward, like at all, and we dislike what Jacob becomes after Breaking Dawn *coughPEDOWOLFcough* So we decided to start up Team Seth, because Seth is adorable. Tyler's Van somehow joined the party when we were joking about how much better Twilight would have been if Bella had been crushed by the van in the first place. One of us shouted out Team Tyler's Van and it somehow got added to Team Seth and we created the Ultimate Killing Machine. Our Team tagline is 'We coulda killed that bitch good.' Oh what larks. And yay! Bella bashing. Tis good for the soul._


	3. Ocean City Soundtrack

Ocean City Soundtrack

"With great power…comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later."

And with that I was ready to happily pass out on the spot and not have to wake up for a _very_ long time.

Percy, however, had other ideas and decided it would be a good idea to catch me before I could melt away into the comforting realms of sleep. Can't a guy get a break? I'd just lead him trough the long, winding corridors of my father's palace, put every single guard out of commission for him _and _rescued his sorry butt from oblivion at the hands of the Lord and Lady of the Underworld. The least he could do is give me five…or fifteen…or a years worth of sleep. It's not like it was…hard to figure out…what to do next…

One skull…Two skulls…Three skulls…Hey look, a sheep...!

"Whoa, zombie dude," Percy said, holding me up with his lovely, strong arms "We're at the river. You need to tell me what to do." Oh I see. All about you, is it Jackson? …Okay so you have to save the world from utter doom soon. But can't the little guy get some props? No five minute shut eye for the son of Hades? That's all I ask for, really. That and that you keep holding onto me like this forever. It's rather quite nice…

Oh hello, what's this? Is that ambrosia? Oh, that's just as nice as this sort-of hug thing we've got going. You sure know how to charm a boy, Percy. I don't feel quite like I'm going to fall asleep on you now, though I suppose that was the point. You do need to save Olympus and all that. Fine, fine, I'll get up now if it's really _that_ important to you…

Blinking my eyes open again and shaking away the cobwebs of sleep still cluttering up my brain, I somehow managed to get up off of Percy and stand on my own two feet. ...For all of about three seconds. After that, I found my head firmly snuggled against the dark haired boy's chest. This really is nice. I must make sure I drag Percy around the palace more often. My reward is very enjoyable.

I was faintly aware of Percy talking to me, going on about the Styx and such, but really, I couldn't care less. Okay so maybe Olympus would fall and the world would end. Who cares? I've got the chest a very nice, strong, warm son of Poseidon pressed up against my face and I'm not about to move just to _save the whole universe_. Pfft, what has the universe ever done for me anyway?

…Haha. I can hear the ocean.

"Hey Nico, come on! We've got a job to do, your dad is gonna get here soon…"

One skull, two skulls…

* * *

_This is for real!  
This time I mean it!  
I'm coming clean please don't let go.  
I said from the start that you could take it or leave it,  
I prefer that you keep it.  
Don't let go, don't let go, don't let go!_

_Because MOTION City Soundtrack are amazing and THIS is our song ;)_

_Also...I love Percy/Nico...Just Nico in general really :P_


	4. Not A Happy Camper

Not A Happy Camper

Nathan Akane Tamashi-Strife had always been told the night he was born was one of the greatest nights ever. Apparently both of his parents had been happy. At the same time. That in itself really quite amazing.

Nat didn't doubt the night he was born was brilliant, I mean, it _did_ involve him coming into the world after all. How could it _not_ be great? The blond boy often wondered how the world had gotten on before he had arrived…

While he quite liked thinking about the night he was born…he didn't quite like the idea of how he was created 9 months before that night.

Unfortunately for Nat, some people just didn't respect that fact.

When Nat had been manhandled into a suspicious-looking white closet by two girls (one of whom was laughing like a complete and utter lunatic about something to do with a 'hot date') and ended up apparently 16 years in the past…well he wasn't too thrilled about what he found.

He knew his mom and dad used to take camping trips all the time before he was born.

He knew that the place he was in now was probably the place his dad had said they had fallen in love.

He knew that the tent in front of him was still in his loft at home.

He did not, however, know he was…created on one of these lovey-dovey camping trips in the tent he had _just_ spent the night in last week.

…Nat taken it pretty well considering.

He had only screamed once before scrambling back into the Time Machine Closet From The White-ness. Roxas and Axel apparently didn't take notice to his parting words…

"OH GOD! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT IN A _TENT_?!"

* * *

_Inspired greatly by the time I watched Brokeback Mountain with my sister after we had lost the DVD remote. The tent scene was NOT fun to sit through, though it became hilarious when my sister asked exactly the same question as Nat. Nathan Akane Tamashi-Strife is an OC of ours. He is part of a rather large group known as the Spawnzies. They are all love-children of our favourite pairings. Nat is our not-so-secret favourite and is the not-so-secret love child of AkuRoku. The lulz we've had giving this boy a story are immense and I believe he was the first OC we ever created together. Yayscienelessons._


	5. Women DON'T Belong In The Kitchen

Women DON'T Belong In The Kitchen

"Roy."

"Yes Angelfish?"

"What the heck is this?"

"That's lunch, love."

"Lunch."

"Yes Garth. Lunch."

"Can you please tell me what I have for lunch?"

"Garth…You can't be serious."

"Oh, I'm plenty serious. Tell me Roy."

"…You've got a sandwich Garth. You know, those things with two pieces of bread and a filling that you eat?"

"Oh, is that what it is? And could you tell me what's inside the sandwich, Roy?"

"Garth, I don't have-!"

"Just _do it._"

"…"

"What's inside the sandwich Roy?"

"…Tuna?"

"Yes Roy. Tuna."

"…Eheh..heh…heh."

"YOU GAVE ME A TUNA SANDWICH FOR LUNCH!"

"I didn't mean to honest!"

"You know what you have to do now, don't you?"

"Do I _have_ to? Really? Can't we just forget this ever happened and get on with out lives?"

"…"

"…Okay. I'msorryItriedtofeedyoutoGarthTuna."

"What was that?"

"…I said that I'm sorry I tried to feed you to Garth, Tuna. Happy?"

"Yes. Very. Now make me a proper sandwich, woman."

"Woman?!"

"Chop, chop! You've got a lot of grovelling to do~!"

"…I hate you."

"Love you two Roy. Now hop to it! Sandwiches don't make themselves!"

* * *

_Dialogue only because our Roy and Garth are much better that way ;)_

_This is a running joke Jess and I have about how uptight Aqualad is about people eating fish. We RP as Roy and Garth from time to time and our favourite scenes to do are the ones that involve Roy being forced by Garth to apologise to any fish he tries to eat. It's very lulzy and our Garth is amazing ;)_


	6. Makes Me Wonder

Makes Me Wonder

It is at times like this – when he is clinging onto the side of the sofa for dear life, fearing for his life, sat next to several screaming teenagers and a cackling redhead – that Neji Hyuuga wonders why exactly he is dating Gaara Sabaku at all.

The redhead subjects him to the horrors (which, really, could be an understatement if the current scene was anything to go by) of the _Toothbrush Murder_ Saga films, _every single night._ He, much like his insane boyfriend, can now recite the words to the famous _Let's have some fun~_ scene in perfect unison with the terrifying tormentor on the screen. He can tell you exactly when and where the films were all shot and based. Heck, he can even name each and everyone of the lighting crew due to the fact that his favourite part of all the films just might be the dull 10 minutes of credits that are accompanied by the worlds creepiest fingernails-on-chalkboard score in the history of ever. It'd be your favourite part too, if you had to watch a mad man attack innocent teenagers and rip them to shreads with nothing but and electric toothbrush!

Gaara is also a complete bitch about everything. Neji can't hold his hand in public; Neji isn't allowed to tell him he loves him in front of anyone, Gaara himself included in this; Neji is banned from telling a soul about their relationship. And that's only where their relationship is concerned! Gaara also has the tendency to flip out over the most mundane things, like bread crumbs in the butter and dirty socks on the floor. Neji isn't allowed past the threshold of his bedroom door, as the redhead insomniac has this extremely nit-picky dislike to the fact that Neji's long, flowing brown hair gets all up in the business of his carpet, and he would like to keep you from moulting all over it, thank you very much.

Then there was the Hello Kitty collection to consider.

Now, Neji didn't really have a problem with the fact that his boyfriend was a completely obsessive collector of anything and everything Sanrio's Hello Kitty. He deals with the fact that inside the depressing dark depths of his boyfriend's cupboard lays box upon box of plushies, shirts, badges, socks, cups with the Japanese cat's face printed on to them. Heck he even has Hello Kitty _body wash. _Now _that_ was one awkward shower…

So there were plenty of things that would put anyone off of spending even half an hour with Gaara, let alone going out with the boy. He is insane, and he never sleeps, and he is obsessed with Hello Kitty, and he will bitch and moan about every little thing. All in all, Gaara isn't really the kind of person many people want to be around.

But when Neji peeks over at the hysterically giggling redhead to his left, seeing the wide smile on his face and the glee in his eyes as the famous murderer rips out the insides of the token pretty-girl's stomach, he can't help but smile back a little bit himself.

Yes, it is at times like this that Neji Hyuuga wonders why he's dating Gaara Sabaku. But once he's finished wondering, he remembers that all of those negative things are the reasons he's sat there right next to him, their fingers twined in a tight grip.

* * *

_So, this one is pretty easy. Gaara and Neji are another couple that Jessah and I RP as. This version of Gaara and Neji are slightly cracky and warped, as they live in an epic AU of our mutual creation. The Toothbrush Murder is also from this AU. It started in an RP we did, in which our Gaara goes a bit insane and makes the gang watch his favourite film. It starred a crazy man with an electric toothbrush that went around killing people with said toothbrush. It is said to be extremely gory and scarring. The first installment is wittingly named 'A Brush With Death', which again, proves how amazing our jokes are ;) _


End file.
